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what a dad wants

What a father wants on Father’s Day obviously changes from Dad to Dad, but there are a few things that are definitely NOT what a father wants. No one needs to rehash the tired statement that a father does not want a tie for father’s day, everyone knows that. A tie for Dad is just as insensitive as getting Mom a vacuum cleaner on Mother’s Day; Dads don’t enjoy ties. It would be better to have his boss over for dinner and convince him that no one should wear a tie to the office than to purchase yet another useless piece of overpriced fabric. Never having to wear a tie again would be a great Father’s Day gift. 

Since that is probably unrealistic, let’s talk about some true possibilities. First and foremost, Dad is unlike Mom in one very ruthless way. Dad does not want his family to stick around the house and wait on him hand and foot. In fact, he probably wants you to clean the house and then leave him alone in it. Let him sit around in his underpants and watch worthless television all afternoon with a refrigerator full of his favorite beer (not what Mom buys him, HIS favorite beer) and a freezer full of his favorite television snacks. Corn chips and low-sodium salsa? Probably not. Think jalapeno poppers, pizza rolls, or something that is special and probably really bad for him. Slacken his meal leash at least this once a year.

As far as gifts are concerned, Dad’s wishes are two-pronged: he wants something that he’ll value (not a drawing-by-a-child kind of value, but something he’ll actually use) and something that is not a waste of money. This means don’t buy any cute “Dadisms” books or novelty golf gifts, because most father’s look at these gifts as their hard-earned dollars circling the drain. Instead, take advantage of Father’s Day to get him the gift that he really wants, even if it seems too expensive. At holiday time, Dad is strapped from purchasing all of those gifts for everyone else on the planet, so he usually settles for something small. But June is a world away from all of those expenses, so think big. Does he have an iPod? What kind of cell phone does he want? What does he stop and drool over those rare times that you get him into the store.

I’m not saying think big just because I’m a Dad and I happen to want an iPod and a new phone (although those are both true, nudge nudge wink wink) but because it is important not to get sucked into the false commercialism of this faux-holiday. Hallmark and Barnes & Noble want to sell you a bunch of crappy items that you think of as “cute,” but the truth is that Dads almost never enjoy anything that is referred to as “cute.”

For some creative ideas, think about your own father. Does he like music? Get him the new box set by his favorite musician, whether it’s the new vinyl release of the Brian Jonestown Massacre or the Bon Jovi box set. The harder this sort of stuff is to find, the better. Another classic trick is to get on his computer, open the browser, go to history and open it in the sidebar. This will show all of the websites that Dad has been looking at. Be forgiving of questionable sites, I’m sure he had a good reason, and look for the shopping sites. Maybe he’s had his eye on a sporty new watch or perhaps all that he wants is to be in the “meat of the month club.”

Is Dad the cook of the house? There is nothing quite like a great chef’s knife and a set of his favorite spices. Does his back always hurt? Get him a massage from a place that is between home and work (not the “happy ending” kind, unless you’re a really open family) because Dad’s back hurts too, he just isn’t as prone to complaining about it as Mom is. It should also be noted that Dads like video games a lot more than they usually let on.

The important thing to remember is that Dad is a big, hairy mystery. He doesn’t talk a lot about what he wants, because he has to hear what everyone else wants all day every day, so it is up to you, those closest to him, to discover what it is that will really float his boat. When you get the right gift, you’ll know it, because Dads are loyal about the things they love. You will see him use your gift over and over for years, and every time he will tell everyone around that you got him that very special gift.