Really?

Everything is happening so fast and it can’t be anymore stressful. I’m already in my fourth week of the school semester and still have no clue what I want to do with my life. Well, I have a clue but I think it will most likely involve staying in school longer until something magically falls in my lap. That’s my plan at least. Of course I also thought I was doing well getting along without the boyfriend until this weekend.

I think that all things can be taken in different ways in several different perspectives. For example, I broke up with the boyfriend and was thinking everything would be as simple as him being really upset, changing his ways, we would get back together and live happily ever after. However, something I’ve learned over the years is that I’m not only wrong most of the time, but my idea of how a situation will turn out is usually the exact opposite of what actually does happen. After this weekend I was soooo over this whole thing. It seemed to me like my ex-boyfriend was a heartless jerk that had absolutely no respect for himself or my feelings. I don’t know why, but my brain is double sided. I think about one thing and then I analyze whether or not I should be mad, what I could’ve done differently, what the difference would be if the situation was switched, etc. I think it’s obvious why I get stressed out.

Well, just to add a little more fuel to the fire, one of my good friends and I threw an amazing Christmas party at my boyfriends house last month. And by amazing I mean… Chinese gift exchange with every present being a bottle of liquor or a gift certificate for ABC. Needless to say, everyone had a great time. Unfortunately for me, my redneck boyfriend decided to jump in his truck, which was parked in the driveway, and do a burnout for his friends… are we in highschool? The only problem here is that my friends car was in front of his and my car was behind hers. The worst that could happen did, his foot slipped off the brake and he rammed her black car into the door of my white car! He didn’t even tell me what happened until the next morning. I’m gonna go ahead and say how this shows how wonderful a girlfriend I am because the damage was so bad I just laughed.

After two months of arguing about how this wasn’t my fault and I shouldn’t be the one to take my car to the body shop to get an estimate, Monday I finally did. I figured since I was really mad and needed a way to push my anger onto someone else, I called the ex up and delivered the news to his voicemail. The estimate is $2,000! Oddly enough, when he called back this sparked a much awaited eruption of an argument about the whole breakup. We cut the yelling short, I needed to go to the gym, only to start it back up two hours later. I don’t know how everyone else releases stress, but a little yelling and some sweating at the gym really does it for me. After settling down and speaking more civil, progress was made. I realized that I really need to change my stubborn attitude.  I know, I thought I was perfect too, but I guess I could change a little.  As stupid as it may sound, I really want to be with this idiot. I already put over a year into it and with every fight comes new progress. I’m breaking down his walls and he’s breaking down mine. After last night, I think we are back together, but much negotiation is going to be made.

Who knows, it could work this time, or I will just end up turning this blog into a drawn out soap opera.